We'll Always Be Enough
by SexyTARDISonBakerStreet
Summary: Castiel, heartbroken at the thought of Dean being dead, abandons heavan and ignores Sam's fractic prayers. But when Sam tells him Dean is alive, Castiel runs to the bunker, only to find the man he once loved and respected has become the one thing he hated most. Castiel resorts to drastic measures to save Dean once more. But is it enough? *Short fic written to help with Spn feels.*


"Dean winchester is Dead."

The words echo in Castiel's mind, over and over.

"It was all to save one man, Dean winchester. But I killed him."

Metatron's words swirl in Castiel's head, tormenting him. Sam has been praying to him for days. He says Dean's body has vanished. Crowley won't appear when he's summoned. Sam suspects something is going on, but what does it matter.

"Dean is dead."

Cas claws at his head, trying to shut the words up. Trying desperately to change the facts. He screams loudly to try and block out the sound. The angel sits on the bed of an old motel. He left heaven long ago. The other angels didn't try to stop him. They knew Castiel was broken, and nothing could fix him. Nothing but the touch of a now dead man. Cas intended to go to the bunker, a place he had briefly called home. But what would be the point of that? There was nothing there for him.

"Everything you did, was for one man."

He saw the knife, Dripping with blood. Dean's blood. Metatron was right, of course. He was right in the sense that everything Cas did, revolved around Dean. Dean showed him how to be free. Dean gave him chances he never dreamed of having. Dean was his best friend, maybe even more. But now he was gone. Hot tears begin to stream down Castiel's face as he realizes exactly what he's lost. He will never again hear Dean make a reference, or hear Dean comforting him in the way only he can.

"Do you think we're enough?"

He'll never again see the sun glisten off those bottle green eyes, or see Dean's face light up in those few moments of happiness.

"We've always been enough."

Castiel begins sobbing in a way that an angel never could, or should. Dean gave him humanity, and taught him how to love. And now there is nothing left. He can hear Sam praying to him, but Castiel doesn't care. He stopped caring when he saw the blade, drenched in blood. Castiel stands up shakily, ready to leave. Suddenly he hears Sam say something Cas could have never imagined he'd hear.

"He's alive. Cas, it's Dean. He's alive, but-"

Castiel is behind Sam before the winchester can finish his sentence.

"Where is he?" Castiel demands. Sam spins around.

"Jeez, now you answer. I thought you stopped caring." Sam said. His voice is strange, like he's terrified.

"I did. Where is he." Castiel demands again, ignoring the catch in Sam's voice. Sam sighs, and points Cas towards the dungeon. The lights are dim. Cas looks at Sam, confused, but walks into the dungeon. From the corner, Castiel hears a chuckle.

"Well look who finally decided to descend from heaven."

Castiel looks into the darkness, horrified at what he sees.

"No." He whispers.

Dean walks into the light, revealing his black eyes.

"Oh, yes. Miss me Cas?" Dean grins, but it's not Dean anymore. Castiel holds back his horror as his world collapses around him. Death would have been better than this.

"You should see yourself, Castiel. I can see you for what you are now, and, Damn. You angels are such...complex creatures." Dean laughs. Castiel looks at the thing that was once the man he loved and respected. What used to be a beautiful, if not slightly broken soul was now a pitch black swirling cloud of evil. Just as Dean could see Castiel's angelic form, Cas could see Dean's demonic form.

"Get...away from me." Castiel fights to keep his voice calm. Dean seems to sense it and moves to the edge if the demon trap.

"Aw, come on Cas, baby. Don't be like that! It's not so bad, being a demon. Come on, you and me. The rebel angel and a knight of hell. Think of all the trouble we could cause. Think of all the hell we could raise." Dean grins. Castiel storms out of the dungeon, slamming the door behind him. Sam had been waiting outside. He can hear Dean laughing inside the dungeon.

"I told you something was up." He said. Cas doesn't answer.

"I mean, I prayed to you. I tried to ask you for help. Bodies don't just vanish unless something weird happened. Weren't you listening at all?" Sam looks at the angel. Castiel turns and faces Sam.

"I believed he was dead. I saw his blood on that blade. I lived in constant torment of the reminder, that Dean Winchester was dead. And then I hear you, telling me he is alive. Without any hesitation I use up an excess amount of my grace, which is already nearly completely drained, to get here instantly. And I find him like this. That is not Dean. That is a goddamn demon. Sure, it's his soul, corrupted to a demon, but it's not him. Not anymore. Don't pray to me. Don't try to find me. Dean Winchester is dead, and that thing in the trap is just another demon to be exorcised. Do you understand, boy?"

Castiel was practically glowing with the hidden anger and distress of seeing Dean like this. Sam actually became afraid of Castiel. The angel seemed to radiate an intense raging power. Sam nodded slightly. Castiel glowered at the winchester before vanishing. Sam cast a glance at the dungeon, the angels words still in his mind.

Castiel moved himself to heaven. Or, at least the personal heaven of mentally handicapped man who drowned in a bathtub. It used to be a place Castiel felt safe. The angel sat on a bench, and all the horror he'd felt at seeing Dean began to stream down his face once again. He put his head in his hands and sobbed. It would be better for Dean to be dead. Dean had become the one thing he hated the most. Castiel knew how much the very thought if this would have destroyed Dean. The real Dean. Everything Castiel had done, he did it for Dean. And now Dean was so broken that nobody, not even Castiel could put the righteous man back together again.

"Dean Winchester is dead."

If only it were true. If only it were that final, and peaceful.

"It was all to save one man, Dean winchester. But I killed him."

Castiel would give anything for this over the painful reality.

"Dean is a demon."

Castiel tries to block the words out, trying to block out the painful, horrifying truth.

"Everything you did, was for one man."

And now that man is gone. Lost to a reality to horrifying for Castiel to bear. He can feel the last of his grace slipping away. His eyes begin to get heavy, and he can feel himself slipping away.

"You think we'll be enough?"

He used to hope that when he and Dean died, they'd be together in heaven. But now that can never be. A hot year slides down Castiel's face. He lies down in the cool grass, growing to tired to move.

"We'll always be enough."

Castiel manages a small smile, remembering team Free Will.

"Thank you, Dean. You... saved me... so many times. Now I, shall repay the favour."

With the last scrap of fading grace Castiel can manage, he forces himself to appear to Dean. To use the last of his grace would make his soul human. And it would purify Dean. It was his last chance. They could be together, he just had to make it in ti-. And then it all went black.

**epilogue**

Deep in the bunker, inside a dungeon, a demon collapses to the floor. He's sobbing. Sam rushes in, expecting the worst. Dean is gripping his arm, in the exact spot Castiel had grabbed when he gripped Dean tight and raised him out of perdition. Dean looks up at Sam, his eyes are green.

"S...Sammy?" Dean manages. Sam kneels down next to Dean. The winchester is shaking and sobbing.

"Dean? What, what's wrong?"

Sam was pretty sure demons don't cry like this. Dean hugs Sam tightly.

"He's dead Sammy. It's Cas, he's dead!" Dean can hardly speak. Sam looks at Dean in shock.

"What do you mean?"

"H-he came to me, but h-he was already d-dead. He s-said he wanted to s-say goodbye!" Dean sobs. Sam hugs Dean back, and a thought occurs to him.

"Dean, drink this." He commands, grabbing a flask of holy water from the table. Dean hesitates for a moment, wondering what the hell that has to do with anything. Cas is dead, and Sam wants him to take a drink?! But Dean does so. It doesn't hurt him. Sam is thrilled.

"Dean, you're you again! Cas, he must of did something, before he-"

Dean cuts him off, a look of content on his face.

"So, you're saying I'm human? Great. Now I can do this."

Before Sam could stop him, Dean grabs a blade from the wall and thrusts it into his chest.

"DEAN!" Sam screams, but it's too late. Sam reaches out to catch his older brother.

"Dean, Dean. What, why would you do that?!" Sam cries. Dean gives a small smile.

"He's up there, Sammy. He's waiting for me. I, I can see him. Y-you be good, ok? Hey, look- look at me. I want this. You can do whatever you want. Find a girl. I love you Sammy."

"Dean, please." Sam hugs his older brother, not wanting to see him die again. Dean grins weakly, searching for something to say. He's already said the sappy goodbyes.

"Bitch."

Sam looks into Dean's green eyes, watching them fade. He chuckles, knowing exactly what Dean wants him to say, but his voice catches on the simple word.

"J-jerk."

Sam watches as Dean smiles one last time, hears his weak laugh fade into nothing. Dean closes his eyes, and Sam knows he's gone. There will be no deals, no coming back now. Sam holds his brothers body in his arms, knowing that nothing can be done. Tears stream down the younger brothers face. If he could look up and see just beyond the veil, he works see a shimmering blue cloud, circling above the brothers. He would see his brother's soul drift up and meet with the cloud. He would see the blue entity wrap around the soul. And if he could hear and understand the language that the cloud and soul were using, he would hear both Castiel and Dean, finally together and free. If Sam could look up, he'd see his brother with the angel who loved and protected him since he raised him from hell. He's see that they are happy. But Sam can't look up. His eyes are focused on the broken, empty body of his brother.


End file.
